This is a hard one, isn’t it! And I’m doing a PhD in participation…

Hopefully that means that you will read this blog in the hope of understanding the nuance in giving children choice and opportunity to participate.

I was guilty of not giving my child (the one with the learning disability) the choice of going to the Halloween disco. This was witnessed by the entire family so I am not shying away from what I did as a mother but openly and explicitly linking this to ‘acting in the best interests of my child’.

You might know that we have lots of instruction and guidance at the moment to uphold children’s rights and most of us know about the rights to have a voice and be heard. I am no stranger to this one – it forms the main focus of my academic research. But there are also protection rights where a parent/carer/guardian can act in the best interests of the child and sometimes that means shielding them from something which might be harmful.

I am not claiming that the school Halloween disco would be harmful, but going to it would mean that Trudy could get upset by the noise, decide to leave (we aren’t allowed to accompany her) and, most of all, it disrupts her bedtime routine which she loves and finds real comfort in at the end of the day.

Would I do the same for our children who do not have a learning disability? Probably not, I would give them more freedom of choice, outline the options and let them decide. Trudy can’t always do this and too much information and too much choice sometimes confuses her.

So, whilst it’s hugely important to offer the opportunity to have a choice when you can, sometimes you have to take those nuanced, responsive, individual decisions which keep your child safe not just physically but psychologically, and I’m not saying this is easy. We all find this a tight line to walk and it is often the challenge of working with professionals who want to, at all costs, uphold the participation rights of children or at the other extreme, want to protect them without fully understanding their evolving capacity.